I guess Im ready to blog it... and lucky for me i chose to pause to ponder and postphoned it to now, so at least i could think more rationally and be less idiotic and get all worked up for nothing.
Am i surrounded with hypocrites and selfish people? With no manners? No listening ear? We would laugh and be merry around people but in actual fact we are facing a big problem here! Evry one of us. Yess, its every single one of us..and dont you dare count yourselves out just because you guys are older, you are more pious, you guys think you guys are always right! The problem with you guys are ,you listen only to the good and you listen only to yourselves..and if you continue doing that, how are you goin to solve any problem? And why do you have to bother about the societies' problems? Why are you too busy handling strangers, being nice to them, and (what?!!) understand their situation? What about us? US????!! Who are we to you?
Ive tried telling you the problems.. and how we should solve it, but you keep on raking the past. What can the past do? We have to move on and be less condemning. You know how it brings back my painful past on how you treated me like dirt, too embarrassed to acknowledge me. And you even tell me that u tried avoiding ' my area'..afraid i might call you. And afraid the ' society' will see and knw that we know each other. You know how hurt i was when you tell me one day that i have to leave to handle all consequences..
to leave.. How many times have you guys cast me away and tell me to leave? How many times have you guys locked me out? If its not for my conscience, i would be a thrash forever.. but Putri changes everything.. She is why im a changed person.Its never because of you guys. You never regarded her. Never. You all hated her. I never tell this to anyone..how you treated me. Ive always sided you. Ive always backed you, cos i know, ive never been good. But Im not
her. You cant treat her the same like you treated me. You have to support her. I called you the other day to tell you what's going on. But do you listen? You just rattled on and on, telling me 'she wont change'. 'Its tough'. 'She is a liar.'.and what not. And when i ask you about the kids, you dont seem bothered. Okay, i wouldnt know what's in your heart. Maybe you do care, and pray softly..but i need the actions. Ive told you your mistakes..but you dont get it do you?
Look at your only son. What has he become? He is a dumbasshole, irritating selfish idiot, almost inhuman 'person' ive ever encounter. A creep, a fart-faced moron, jackass, a twat, a dork, a fucktard shithead fucker, imbecile wanker ...grrrrr.....hate him to the core!!! and boy i know he hates everyone around him as madly as how i feel like killing him! Seriously, why is he still like dat after so many years? Why cant you do anything? He is almost retardad and you guys still dont get it. He doesnt know what is the meaning of social ettiquette, courtesy, or what the hell is family ties. Oh yea..maybe its how you teach him. Be nice to outsiders, BUT
us. Is dat it? Do you realise how this will harm you? Have you tried at all? Ah...nope.."WE ARE TOO BUSY.". Schedules are pact with meetings, counseling other people, listening to preaches.. its all you, you, you... How selfish can you be?
Look at your precious last gal.. Ive told you how you treated us is wrong and wil always be.. But you said that is your way. Havent you see her changes? Is dat what you are expecting? Dont you guys learn from your mistakes? Or cant you even accept the fact that you guys are even in the wrong?!!
And now,
her.. please..before anything happens to her or to her kids..in life or hereafter, please take her with you. Be nice and understand. Is it so hard to be nice? you cant expect her to be decent in a flash. It takes time. Its takes me years.. to fall and pick up..alone, with Allah by my side, and maybe your prayer.. but its cause i have also someone i love who cares and hold my hand. You cant expect the same to happen to her. What if she drowns further? Are we just gonna watch her die? Cant we throw her any life boats? Or reach out our hand to grab her?
I cant do much its all in your hands..(and her..) But hating each other doesnt help settle the problems. You have the potential to be good listener..but too bad, only as a jobscope. To the outsiders. Clear and settle whats in your circle first before you get out to help others. Drop your ego and face value. Drop it. Its really sick. Cos this is the first time i felt that i cant respect you guys as much as i had before, and im totally ashamed of you.
What a magnificient, beautiful sight, right...? I was imagining a huge thunderstorm hitting on Singapore.. and the buildings in front of me crashing slowly... and i get to capture every detail of the crashing..and then realise.. i go crumbling down after ... and then the ground shaking.. every living thing gets eaten and swallowed underneath....GASP!! takutnyer.. oh yea..i forgot to blog the tym i felt the earthquake from Sumatera. Initially, i thought there was a poltergeist playing around..hahaha, but it was in broad daylight and i was too hungry to be afraid of ghost at that time. *Lunch time..* I saw my pc move and the water from the basins starting to fall over, swaying. And yea, i felt giddy too. But them I knew there must be a slight 'gegaran' in Singapore and it must be caused by neighbouring countries' quakes. That was definitely the first time i experienced it,and it wasnt a very good one. I was afraid the buildings here is gonna collapse, well, even though never of such things happen in Singapore, but there could always be a first time event, and i was really scared! Luckily nothing happened except for that valuable experience..phew..! and now look at that glooomy, dark clouds.. i tell ya..it will add to your depression if u really are in a depressed mood, looking out the window .. and like what Simon Cowell said, " I felt like jumping off the bridge.. cos its sooo glooomy..",hearing the song " I Who Have Nothing." in this blog..
Recipe On A Warm Day For A Pregnanted, Hot Flushed, Domestic Goddess..
14th March 2007
We went out for dinner yesterday dengan 'mika-mika ni la..(didnt bring cam and tak sempat amik pic kat hp..so i took dis pic of em during raye..) at Lorong Ah Soo.. Oh yea..the 3 dara pingitan is (from left, Ipar, As, Noi), Cik Kasmah and Cik Khamis, Tok Nor..and their many anaks anaks..all so very cute..and aplenty..lol... but i always love their company.
Wishing him all the best in his future endeavours, strive to be a better person, achieving his goals, may it be sports or academic. Hopefully he will get the love and care he needs as he grows older and will never forget me, his distant 'mummy'. I will always love him and hope to be able to give him the love and care a mummy would give to a handsome young man like him! muackss!
Wishing him all the best especially for his PSLE this year.Hopefully he will strive to do well. And yeap..I'm all out for your passion for soccer, cos i know you can play well. I hope you could juggle your time well for both academic as well as sports. I hope that we could spend valuable time together as a family like we used to and give you the love, care and support that you need.'Mummy' will always love you, dear and i hope you know that! muacksss..!
Wishing you all the best in whatever you do. May you be wiser, more charming, less cynical and more tactful in giving your views towards any issues.hehe..(no pun intended). I hope that you will be always be happy with Mum as well as us kids who never stop giving you headaches..lol. Stay healthy and may Allah bless you. I love you Abah..!! muackss....!!
